How to Attract the Right People by Becoming the Best Version of You
- May 6
- 5 min read
Have you ever noticed that some people effortlessly magnetize incredible relationships, supportive friendships, and fulfilling opportunities, while others seem stuck in cycles of negativity, drama, or mismatched connections? It’s not luck—it’s energy. You don’t attract what you want; you attract what you are.
A personal reminder of this truth comes from my favorite affirmation on my phone’s reminders app: “Why am I a magnet for fun and interesting people?” Framing an affirmation as a question tricks the brain into seeking evidence for the positive message rather than dwelling on doubt.
Let’s explore how shifting your energy, mindset, and presence can transform the kinds of people who enter your life.
The Mirror Effect: Why You Attract What You Are
Every interaction is an exchange of energy. The Law of Resonance states that you attract what you embody. Your confidence, beliefs, emotional state, and sense of self-worth determine the kind of people drawn to you.
Self-Doubt and Limiting Beliefs – If you second-guess your value or settle for less, you’ll naturally attract people who reinforce that lack of self-respect—whether through unbalanced relationships, dismissive behavior, or a failure to recognize your worth.
Authenticity and Self-Respect – When you embody confidence and authenticity, you magnetize those who appreciate, respect, and uplift you.
Before entering any social situation, I often ask myself, “What am I bringing to the party?” The way you show up—your presence, openness, and energy—directly influences the outcome of every encounter. Relationships act as mirrors, reflecting back the energy you bring into them.
Instead of asking, “Who am I attracting?” shift the question to “What part of me is calling them in?” The key to attracting aligned relationships is becoming the energetic match for the connections you desire. Shift your inner world, and your external world will follow.
Shifting the Reflection: Becoming an Energetic Match
The beauty of the mirror effect is that it’s not fixed—when you shift, so does your reflection. If you want to attract high-vibrational, inspiring people, commit to embodying that energy yourself.
Elevate Your Inner Dialogue – Notice the stories you tell yourself about relationships. Expect the best—connection, ease, and mutual support.
Refine Your Boundaries – People who value you will honor your needs. Clear, confident boundaries filter out those who drain your energy and make space for those who align with your worth.
Embody the Energy You Want to Attract – If you seek deep, open-hearted connections, show up with vulnerability. If you desire ambitious, inspiring people, step into your own growth. Like attracts like.
Attraction isn’t about chasing—it’s about alignment. The more you embody the qualities you desire in others, the more effortlessly they will gravitate toward you.
Step 1: Get Clear on Who You Want to Attract
Rather than focusing on avoiding toxic relationships, shift your energy toward what you do want. Ask yourself:
What kind of people do I want in my life?
How do I want to feel in my relationships?
What qualities do my ideal friends, partners, or colleagues embody?
Then ask: Do I embody those qualities myself? If you desire kind, confident, emotionally intelligent connections, you must first show up as someone who embodies those traits.
Step 2: Elevate Your Energy and Presence
Your presence speaks before you say a word. The way you carry yourself, the energy you bring into a room, and your mindset shape how others perceive you.
Cultivate Inner Peace – People who are at peace radiate a powerful presence. Release stress through deep breathing, journaling, or movement.
Strengthen Your Intuition – Trust your gut. If you keep attracting the wrong people, ask if there was an intuitive nudge you ignored.
Own Your Desires and Worth – Stand firm in your relationship standards and trust that your desires are guiding you toward what is truly meant for you.
Step Into Your Inspired Identity – Imagine the most magnetic, confident version of yourself and embody that energy now.
Step 3: Set Boundaries and Make Room for the Right People
Raising your standards means that the wrong people will naturally fall away—creating space for those who truly resonate with you.
Keep It Simple – Don’t over-explain your boundaries; embody Your Sacred No.
Trust Your Discomfort – If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling drained, it’s a sign it’s not aligned with your highest self.
Prioritize Self-Respect – Teach others how to treat you by modeling the respect you deserve.
But don’t mistake raising your standards for a sense of superiority. Some of my most surprising and rewarding friendships have come from people I might have initially overlooked in that mindset.
Step 4: Take Aligned Action and Let It Flow
Attracting the right people isn’t about waiting passively—it’s about taking aligned action while trusting that the right connections will come at the right time.
Engage in the Right Environments – Surround yourself with communities that reflect your values.
Live Your Truth – The more authentic you are, the easier it is for the right people to find you.
Trust the Timing – Some relationships need time to develop. Allow them to unfold naturally rather than forcing a connection.
Sometimes, you’ll extend a friendly hello and be met with silence. Other times, you’ll have a great conversation with someone, exchange numbers, and never hear from them again. Don’t let these moments shake your resolve. The key is to stay open, engaged, and willing to connect.
Not every effort will result in a lasting friendship—but even if just one genuine connection blossoms, isn’t that worth it?
Step 5: The Role of Self-Perception in Attraction
At the core of attraction is the way you see yourself. Your self-perception shapes your energy, confidence, and the way you engage with the world.
If you view yourself as unworthy or invisible, that energy subtly influences how others respond to you. But when you see yourself as whole, radiant, and valuable, you naturally exude a magnetism that draws in the right people. It’s not about perfection—it’s about self-acceptance, and that can manifest itself in a more than one way.
Years ago, after moving to a new city, I hosted a housewarming party, inviting parents from my childrens’ school. Though I met many wonderful people, I didn’t instantly become close friends with everyone who attended. Instead, I put myself out there and let the most aligned connections deepen naturally over time.
On another occasion, I attended a local tennis tournament alone. Striking up a conversation with a woman next to me, we clicked instantly. She later took a job near my home, and now we regularly meet for walks, catching up on each other’s lives. That experience reminded me that making the effort always has the potential to lead to something meaningful.
Becoming the Magnet for What You Desire
The secret to attracting the right people isn’t about trying harder—it’s about aligning your energy with what you truly want. When you commit to becoming the best version of yourself, you naturally draw in those who match your frequency. Relationships become easier, more fulfilling, and deeply aligned with your authentic self. Embrace your energy, trust your intuition, and step boldly into your inspired identity—because when you do, the right people will be drawn to you like a magnet.
If you’re ready to embody this transformation, know that every step you take toward self-improvement sets the stage for the connections you’ve always dreamed of.
Take a moment to reflect: Who have you recently attracted into your life? What does this reveal about your current energy?
Your next level of connection starts with you.
If you are ready to connect with women like you—adventurous, accomplished, amazing—join our welcoming online community called the Goddess Haven. You just might meet your new best friend!
And download our free Magnetism Checklist.
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